are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
