This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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