She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize