we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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