Nicole vs. Life
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
