If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry about my life...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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