Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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