Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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