so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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