so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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