So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
