You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
