My nipple is on Facebook.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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