I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
