Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
