Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
