Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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