But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize