Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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