so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize