**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
