we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
