Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
