i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
