some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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