Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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