what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
