this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
