just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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