There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
last night I used snow as a chaser
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