i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
