My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
