I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
