Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
