apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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