the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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