Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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