His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
