you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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