You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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