Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
