u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
