just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
