she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
