Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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