I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
