I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
