I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
