I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
