i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
