planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
