Screwed.edu
Sober January is a disaster.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
