Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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