Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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