now i know why i became what i already was.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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