I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
