I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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