but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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