and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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