I smell stomach acid.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
