dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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