i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize