I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
