Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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