Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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